goofer dust, graveyard dirt, silver dimes

Seen recently on the web: assertion that goofer dust is just another name for graveyard dirt, used because people don’t like to think about graveyards, and that it can be used for healing. This all gets really confusing, since other folks, largely of the Wiccan variety, will tell you that graveyard dirt is just mullein, maybe with some patchouli in it, maybe not.  So I can go get some goofer dust at the health food store at the end of the day!  Yay!

Um… no.  You can believe that if you want, I guess. 

In which case I have a 2000 year old amulet blessed by Jesus Christ, the Pope, St. John the Baptist, and St. Isidore of Seville to sell you.  It contains a splinter of the true cross, nineteen angels dancing on the head of a pin, and an eyelash of the dove of the Holy Spirit.  It will do your laundry, save your soul, give you longer, harder erections, help you lose weight, increase breast size, get you the home of your dreams, drive your car, raise your kids, fast forward through dentist visits, and bind the soul of a sexy vampire to you to do your eternal bidding during naughty midnight visits.  I got it from my great aunt Esmerelda, who was an Egyptian priestess and a gypsy and a voodoo queen and a cousin of Marie LaVeau, and Esmerelda’s mother came from a long line of Scottish witches, some of whom were burned at the stake in Salem and some of whom are now studying Shaolin KungFu in a monastery in the mountains of China and will come back to their successful lives as jewelry resellers and stockbrokers full of witchy martial arts goodness, the ability to heal from a great distance, mastery of feng shui and telekinesis, and a satchel full of special jewelry items, every single one totally unique, found in a canopic jar at the base of an Egyptian pyramid. 

Goofer dust is nasty stuff.  There’s an old legend that wearing a silver dime around your ankle will help protect you from walking in Goofer dust.  One of the ingredients in Goofer dust would indeed turn silver black.  Try that with mullein.  If you buy goofer dust that smells like roses, you are probably getting ripped off.  If you buy goofer dust that can be burnt as a pleasant smelling incense, you are most assuredly getting ripped off.

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