This post is part of the Rootwork Education series that I used to maintain on livejournal and am now updating and keeping here on WordPress. Work in progress.
Q: A client asks why I won’t often do breakup cases, and why I require a consultation before considering work like that.
A: In and of itself, I don’t have a moral problem with simply the fact that the couple is married or that a client is having a relationship with a married woman or man. The issue of breaking up couples, particularly married couples, is complex and isn’t really necessarily about “preserving the sanctity of marriage no matter what” or any naive crap like that. It’s about the fact that relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and that sometimes breaking up a couple will cause harm that is not justified in the bigger picture. Let me give you some examples.
I have a client come to me to break up a married couple. The client is dating a married man and he kept on promising to leave his wife and never did. I do a divination that reveals that even if the couple were to break up, the guy still wasn’t likely to marry the client he’d been dating, which was what the client wanted. And coaxing an early breakup in a marriage that was not quite ready to break up on its own causes problems that go far beyond the emotional state of the client who’s left out in the cold. At the end of the day, I’m looking at work that will cause a lot of emotional turmoil for a lot of people, a lot of expense for a lot of people, and will still not result in a happy client. That’s not justified work in my book. There are such things as less-than-perfectly-happy married couples who nevertheless desire to stay married for any number of reasons. That couple has to be taken into account as well as the client, especially if there are children or complicated financial/extended family concerns (one spouse’s insurance or job is helping pay for the other spouse’s parent’s hospice care or something like that).
A client wants a couple broken up because he thinks the relationship is the obstacle keeping him and his love interest apart or from being in the kind of relationship he wants them to be in. But the love interest has no desire to be in the kind of relationship the client wants to be in. Breaking up the couple would not benefit the client.
A client wants a couple broken up and the couple is bound by religious marriage vows, which are essentially oaths. Breaking up the couple means fighting against the religious oaths the couple took to each other. This is a bad idea. If one member of the couple indicated they were ready to get out of the marriage and just needed some help, then that might be a mitigating factor. But if that hasn’t happened, and the two people are not ready to completely break their oaths (even though they may very well be violating aspects of that oath), then the client is fighting an uphill battle.
There are many more examples. But hopefully that gives you an idea of why I have to do a consultations for stuff like this. A consultation will get at what the issues are and give us space and time to talk about your case. This will enable me to make better recommendations (for instance, the best route might be to draw a new lover to the other spouse so they let go with less fight, or to provide an unhappy spouse with the financial or emotional or medical or whatever things they need to be strong enough to leave the marriage).
Edit: Be sure to read the comments for some additional tidbits, as well.
Big Lucky Hoodoo 
From the NinjaCat:
I have to say, the most ridiculous break up request I ever heard went like this… This fellow, – who was married to a woman he claimed to love quite deeply, even romantically so, – had a co-worker who was also HAPPILY married and had shown no interest in him. He wanted me to break up their marriage, so he could see if he wanted to be with her. If he did, he’d leave his own wife. Ew. Gag.
Does anyone ever think “wait a minute, if this turd would cheat on their spouse or get sick of their spouse easily, they’d do the same to me!” It’s not that I’ve never heard a good “why I need a break up spell,” story, it’s just that they are more often more hateful, selfish, harmful and disturbing reasons than they are not.
I do admit to being biased against that sort of thing, though. 😉 ~Cat
(original comment from Dec 5 here https://karmazain.livejournal.com/82404.html)
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from me:
“it’s just that they are more often more hateful, selfish, harmful and disturbing reasons than they are not.”
My experience matches yours on that end – it’s why I generally just tell people I don’t do them. The chances of my coming across a case I’ll take are so low that it just saves time to have a stock response for it when people come inquiring. The huge ugly snarl of complex emotions attending such matters are also why I tell people I don’t do reconciliations for couples. The emotions just get in the way of thinking (and so does insecurity and jealousy). It’s not that I *never* will – in fact, I took one a bit over a year ago that had quite a few of the “poor prospect for success” markers, but my cards told me it could be done – but just that 92 out of every 100 emails asking for reconciliation are not things I want anything to do with.
But you know? Sometimes people restore my faith. I had a new client contact me over the past week, asking for a light setting service. She was dating a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. When emails start like that, 98 times out of a hundred they continue with the client wanting something like “hurry up their divorce” or “get the wife to chill out and not ask for more child support” or “get him to marry me” etc.
This client had a light set for the healing, well-being, and emotional recovery of the about-to-be-ex-wife, so that she might find peace and happiness (among other equally humane, considerate things that were not only realistic in recognizing the facts of divorce, legal system stuff, and children’s emotions, but went beyond realistic into compassionate). Her perspective humbled me. It was brilliant. It was also, not coincidentally, the smartest way to work on strengthening her relationship with the boyfriend – so many people tend to default to “I have to fight for it, and take out my competition, and clear the field, and so let’s start throwing hotfoot and separation and cut and clear and do some domination on the man so he stays away from her and does my bidding and only wants me.” This has, as you know, the end result of making an already tense and painful time even worse. But then, jealousy and insecurity are like that.
Instead, this client saw the big picture, and found the most brilliant way to work the case from that higher perspective. I’m no fluffy-bunny-hugging-white-lighter, and I will throw the hell out of some crossing tricks when it’s warranted. But I will also insist that it can be the *worst* approach to take to a complicated case like that -and I have the hardest time convincing clients of this sometimes, even when the cards’ messages to that effect are so plain and clear that you could see them from the moon.
This one single client sort of polished the windows of my soul there for a second, to completely mangle a metaphor. And she’s a great example of someone who successfully ended up in a relationship with that married person and didn’t have to destroy lives and cause strife to get it. Seems to me that if you have to stir up that much crap to get what you want, it might not be worth having (along the same lines of your second paragraph there!) But I guess a lot of folks don’t see it that way, hence those two being some of the most commonly requested workings in modern conjure….
But yeah, your story about the man and his coworker tops them all though. That’s just … borderline sociopathic or something. Crazy self-centered. No empathy at all.
(original Dec. 8 comment here https://karmazain.livejournal.com/82404.html?thread=116452#t116452)
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from Anonymous on Nov 9, titled “Return spouse”
my marriage were brokenup by a group of women,some known and unknown! My husband is being strictly controlled {mindWise} by their voodoo power; His spell was so bad until he is afraid of them and will even curse me out! Now, he appears to have the desire to come back home to our family because he is gradually calling and slowly coming around again. Is there anything you can do to help our family or recommend ? our family were torn apart by our separation. These women will even call me on the phone where I can hear their sexual acts with my husband.
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I would recommend you get a reading or consultation with a reputable worker who does this kind of work. I can recommend any of colleague at AIRR, or any of my non-AIRR colleagues whose pages I link to in the right-hand column of links.
(original convo here https://karmazain.livejournal.com/82404.html)
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Reblogged this on Seraphin Station.
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